It is nice to get the feedback and the thanks from you all. Encouraging.
SO let me continue....
today was a great day at work. Some of my patients that move me most came in today.
I will tell you of one of them.

We will call him #1. HE is a gentleman from Vietnam. He is in his 30s. He is so kind. He calls me Dr Emily. He was diagnosed in the ICU.. had severe vision changes related to cytomegalovirus an opportunistic infection that can occur with late stage AIDS. He had no idea what was going on. He was pretty sick. Very sick and in a foriegn country. He got connected to my practice and began antiretrovirals. He is extremley diligent about taking his meds and he is now doing quite well a few residual things from his initial illness linger.. but you would never know it looking at him.

Here is where the real pain lies. He shares a home with his family. They will not share the table with him. The do not let him use the same utensils. His things must remain separate because they are afraid they will get AIDS from himand his stuff.
You may not know this, but there has not been a documented case of HIV transmission via casual contact. Casual contact is defined as living together in a home but not sexually active with one another.
Lets be clear: HIV is transmitted in the following ways sexaully, IVDU, breastfeeding, to baby during delivery (have not had a positive baby born to my patients in years), transfusion prior to 1984. Blood to blood. Blood id found in blood. semen, vaginal fluid, breastmilk. ( I rememer in the early days of the Hotline.. a young owman called and asked if she could get HIV from her own menstrual bloood... boy have we come a long way... I hope)
So... as you can see #1's family has nothing to fear but their ignorance keeps them in fear and keeps him feeling isolated and dirty. He feels sad and we discuss this at every visit.
I have had a letter translated into their native language but that has not helped. I have invited them to my office for education and to answer questions but they do not come.
So my gentle #1 live outcast in his own home.

Imagine what that feels like day after day.

help #1 HIV still here ????

So lately I have been expressing my frustration regarding the increased rates of HIV infection. I am an HIV family nurse practitioner caring for folks with HIV and every week my heart continues to break. A friend, Liz suggested I do this blog to perhaps get help/ ideas for prevention.. perhaps to learn where we have gone wrong in this area..
So let me start at my beginning.. my connection with HIV.

In 1979, I was an 18 year old freshman at Antioch College in Ohio. There I met Tim King, a gay man that was to become one of my dearest friends. We were very close and he was very beautiful.. Hopefully later I can figure out how to add his photo so that you may see my inspiration.
Tim was a warm funny sweet man who became infected in the mid 80s with HIV. possibly earlier but we did not know then.... we stayed connected over the years. He was probably my first love.. too bad he was gay.. I think he felt the same way about me.. I know he did.. too bad he was gay.. Don't worry I am smiling now.. I went my way to Boston and got a degree in Theater Directing and Tim graduated from Antioch in preservation management of historical architectural sights. He was so passionate about this. Preserving history, he moved to DC..
I have family there so we never lost touch. I was in California teaching drama to kids I would visit him often and he would come out and visit me.
Tim was diagnosed long before we had the good HIV antiretroviral medications that are now saving lives. Actually about four months before protease inhibitors became available. For those of you that have been in HIV care for that long remember what I am talking about. He got very sick and I felt helpless.. Watching him get ill was so painful. a part of me was dying with him.. We were young., not supposed to be sick and dying. . I felt helpless; here was my friend wasting away.. loosing the strength that was so much a part of him. This was really profound for me. It was then that I decided to give up theater and go to nursing school. I would learn skills that would help me help Tim.
I had already been a volunteer for Te San Francisco AIDS Foundation hotline in the late 80s, before we had any real information to give out to those that called in with questions about this thing that was killing these young healthy men.
It was also a smart idea to get a skill that made a living as I had become a single mom of an amazing kid named Eli.. who by the way is heading off to college in three weeks.. That is a whole other story.. i will stay focused..
So i became a nurse with a focus in HIV management. I got smarter but Tim got sicker. He eventually passed away from a horrible HIV related illness called progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy. This is a horrible disease that disrupts the signals in the brain and I watched Tim fade away into death. I held his hand and loved him as he died. It was an honor and a nightmare, Even now the sadness I feel is as powerful as then in 1994 when he died.
As you know, many people died like Tim. Young beautiful men dropping off the planet tearing a part of me..
I have lost many friends to this disease over the years and every tear stays with me.. until we find a cure.. Iwill be here.
Now it is 15 years later and I am still here . still passionate and committed to stick this out until it's end. . stay tuned and I will tell you of my current patients.. who they are and what it feels like for me to care for them. Don't worry I will not violate HIPPA regulations. All of my clients have the right to their privacy. They are an amazing group of people that fill my soul every day so I will introduce them to you and protect them at the same time.

Pease let me know any of your thoughts about this.. It will take the masses to stop this virus.. so climb aboard and lets get to work.
This disease has gone beyond the gay population although I am not sure that everyone knows that..
Today I am a Family Nurse Practitioner here in California. I work at a terrific non profit clinic that serves the Sacramento Valley.
We have come a long way. HIV care is not hospice care anymore. It is chronic disease management and that sounds better but it is still a complicated disease that has a multitude of side effects that impact ones life for the rest of their lives.
I will be back soon.. take care and keep talking.